Can all of our problems be solved within our family without a therapist?
When I was growing up, my parents were at every single one of my softball games. Though they were two completely different people at the games. My mom created the “Two Finger High Five” so that she could quickly give me a high five through the fence and was always going to say I was awesome no matter how good or bad that I played.
My dad on the other hand, was one of the most vocal people in the stands (if he wasn’t coaching). He had thoughts on the strike zone, the coaching decisions, my stance in the box, the pitch calls, how my curve ball was working really well, or how my rise just didn’t rise. Although I was self motivated, my dad made me a better softball player and pushed me to reach my potential. I think he loved every second of it. Though, as an adult, he probably didn’t love catching my drop balls, nor did his shins either. He always said he wanted a shirt that said “Dads against drop balls”
Sometimes, I would just be so frustrated with how I played (or in life) that I really didn’t want to immediately hear their feedback or opinions related to softball, or really just in life.
Yet, I would listen immediately to my head coach or to my pitching coach. Everything they said was almost held to a different standard because they weren’t related to me, didn’t have any bias, and had nothing to gain from my success or failure. Sometimes my dad would say the EXACT same thing as my coach, but I didn’t want to listen to my dad and my coach was golden.
Maybe I just described your relationship with your parents, or your relationship with your kids as student athletes. Or maybe, I described the exact opposite of what you have experienced in your own life or with your own kids.
There is huge value and importance in having an open and honest relationship with your child. It is important to be able to communicate the good, the bad, and the ugly. AND, it is also okay to know that sometimes there is value in somebody else supporting your child. In fact, somebody else supporting your child or student athlete could actually be more effective and helpful.
Why things may be viewed differently when coming from a therapist instead of a family member:
There is no blood relationship. Although we hope and cheer for our client’s to succeed, our client outcomes do not change our own personal lives. There is no bias.
Therapists do not know the people that are being talked about during a counseling session. It often leads to more honesty from the client.
Goals can be self-driven. A student athlete has the opportunity to create and determine the goals themselves and not have the pressure of family member goals.There are no expectations. Family members (often positive intentions) put a lot of pressure, set high standards/expectations, and goals for their children or student athletes.
Therapists can give feedback and empower student athletes. Therapists do not gain anything from feedback or empowerment. There is no ulterior motive or hidden agenda, which often leads to student athletes listening more.
There is space and time in therapy. Your children live under your roof, or minimally spend a good chunk of time with you. There is often at least a week between therapy sessions.
Therapy is a safe place for failure and to be at your lowest. A lot of times, children do not want to disappoint their parents. Even if you have created a safe and loving environment, it is hard to own failure and disappointment to the people that mean the most to you.
As much as parents hate it, sometimes the EXACT same thing said by somebody else hits home and is heard better by your children than when you say it yourself.
Therapists can explore the impact of everything else on athletic goals (sleep, diet, self-care, coping strategies, stress management, time management, etc.)
So what does that mean about your role as a parent? How do you support your child or your student athlete? How do you create a safe space for failure?
Listen First.
Continue to be present and show up. Unconditional love and unwavering support goes a long way (through the good, the bad, and the ugly).
Model goals. Show your children that you have goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. ALSO, show your kids that sometimes goals are adjusted and even as adults, we fail.
Don’t force your children to work through all of their problems with you (academic, athletic, social, or emotional). Be available if they do come to you though.
Normalize therapy and remove the stigma. Especially with student athletes, therapy can be viewed as a weakness or a failure. It will not prevent a student athlete from being recruited, will not impact playing time, and will not be seen as a weakness.
Continue to invest time in your kid. Provide time free of distractions (cell phone, TikTok -even adults are on TikTok 🙂, text messages, work emails) to hang out and listen to your kid.
Have fun with your kid. Take away some pressure and do activities that are stress free. Take them to putt-putt, beat them in go-karts, go bowling, people watch at the mall, get a pedicure, have a coffee date… the list is endless of stress free activities!
It is important to remember that as a parent of a student athlete, you don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to know how to help them reach their goals, overcome problems, or manage it all. As much as I loved both of my parents, and couldn’t have been successful without them and their feedback, I still needed support from other people too!
Check out our Sports Therapy section to see if your student athlete would benefit from working with us! Schedule a 15 minute connect call to learn more!
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